As one to blow out others’ candles, I make the pilgrimage to the seedy part of Pioneer Square. It’s a bit dodgy, but a good sandwich deserves the work. Like Frodo with the ring, I had a ten dollar bill with the name Porchetta written all over it. I was told that the line up started at 1130AM. I showed up at 1120 and not a soul there. Were they shitting me? It’s like showing up 2 hours early for a birthday party and you end up helping the hosts 94 year-old nanny find the potty. I went for a walk around the block (literally 5 minutes) and when I got back, there are 25 people in line. Had they been hiding in the bushes waiting to see what I would do?

Like Sea Monkeys in a cup of warm water, they populated in front of my eyes. I got my arse in line and waited. I hate to wait. I think it’s overrated and it is a rare situation where the wait is worth it. I don’t do foreplay with my food. Let’s get it on and be done with it. The line moved like a well oiled machine. As I got closer I saw various lovely beasts aging in the cooler window. Think Amsterdam red-light district meets Piggily Wiggley down under.

I can see the counter staff mere feet away from me. I can hear them excitedly ask each other, “It that the guy from the Hanging Pig?” “Is that the guy that PETA hates?” They were excited and who can blame them. I’m there to ‘represent’.

I step up. They get giddy with delight. Who will he choose to put in his order? I look at the one with the glasses and in my best Tom Jones accent, I say, “I’d like the Porchetta please.” She smiles. It’s all about the tease. She says in her waspy smokey tone…”Sourdough or ciabatta?” She thinks she has me. She is challenging the co-founder of the Hanging Pig. “Whatever the chef thinks best”, I reply. Checkmate.  She prepares my sandwich by loading pound after pound of braised pork shoulder into the bun. In total, the meet braises for over 18 hours. Un F*CKING believable. I take my sandwich, give her a wink and a ten dollar bill and head out.

Just down the street there is an enclosed Japanese garden. I find a spot, unwrap my sandwich, and…cry…. I don’t know what came over me. You watch these babbling idiots stand on the Olympic podium and start to blubber. All their years of training. All the missed dates. All the time working on their craft…comes down to meet moments. I felt like I had been preparing for this sandwich my whole life. Baloney on wonder bread. Corned beef on onion loaf. Leftover meatloaf on french loaf. Even bacon explosion on fresh Kaiser buns. But now…this. I took it all in. I unwrapped the paper like a tentative virgin and looked into the eyes of excellence.

The sandwich is about 10″ long. I spent an hour working on it and couldn’t finish it. There has to be at least 1.5lbs of meat in there. Simply unbelievable. If you love pork and you love sandwiches (if you don’t, WTF are you doing here?) make a trip to Salumi. You will thank me. salumicuredmeats.com‎

Salumi: 309 3rd Ave S, Seattle, WA‎ – (206) 223-0817‎

Best place to have Sunday Brunch: The Tea House in Stanley Park

We found this place a couple of years ago. On a nice day, you park the car, walk the sea wall, and return to the Tea House. The restaurant feels like you are going to a friend’s house for a bit. The staff do a nice job at making you feel welcome and the food is nicely prepared and presented. My favourite is: Kir Royale to start, the fresh croissant basket, and then the Gooey Grilled Cheese & Bacon Sandwich with curried tomato & coconut milk soup or West Coast Benedict wild smoked sockeye salmon, hollandaise & hash browns. Breakfast for two will set you back about $80 bucks with tip.

Best place for a Business Lunch: the Cactus Club

Cactus club has great food, pretty good service, and as a chain, does a decent job at standing out. I have lunch at one of their locations about 8 times a month. The have good booths, the food is consistent, and options for all budgets. I’m on a bit of a fix right now for their  bbq duck clubhouse (bbq duck, pan seared chicken and crisp prosciutto on pecan fruit bread). Lunch for two (no booze) is about $45bucks with tip.

Best place to let out your inner Samurai: The Eatery

With a tag line, “Miso Horney”, you know this place has to be unique. The food is hard to explain, but good. The service is hit or miss, but you never mind. The staff are friendly, you sometimes get your main before your appies, but for some reason you don’t care. Maybe they pump oxygen into the restaurant like casinos do in Vegas. Randy, the owner is normally around chatting up customers. I’ve been eating here for almost a decade and there is no better place for dynamite rolls, Japanese curry or tempura. Check it out.

Best guilty pleasure (read no further vegans…wait…what the hell are you doing on this site anyway?): Fois Gras at Pied a Terre

I’m a bit of a french bistro slut. Pied a Terre makes beautiful short ribs, excellent steaks, and amazing duck confit (really a Tallouse-style cassoulet). But the gem in the crown of their offering is the Fois Gras Parfait. Served with toasted brioche bread and a prune compote, this is the ultimate indulgence and would be my last meal if I knew when my trip was up in this life. It is amazing and I’m actually thinking about abandoning this post just to got and have some. After discovering it with my wife, and then again with family and friends, I brought Paul to this restaurant. It’s the quietest I’ve seen him since we’ve known each other. Dinner for 2 and bottle of wine, about $200bucks and well worth it. p.s. Service staff is great here.

Secret Lunch spot: The Gold Stone (139 Keefer Street)

I have a rule about ethnic places. I want to see people of that ethnicity eating there. If you go into an Ethiopian restaurant and everyone is wearing “I’m going to Vegas” t-shirts, you are in the wrong place. Pack your shit and run out. The Gold Stone is a restaurant in Vancouver’s China Town that a Chinese client took me to back in 2002. I’ve been there now at least 100 times and have never seen another white guy (or gal) in there unless I brought them. You know it is good if the people living IN the neighbourhood are there every day! This place is AMAZING! They have a lunch special for $6bucks of a curried beef brisket that is as tender as your mother’s bosom when you were a baby. Now if I ever have to wait for a table because you and your crownies are taking up the spots in my favorite place, I’ll kick some ass (or have a BBQ pork bun in the bakery part of the restaurant, which are also delicious!)
Tel: (604) 688-9328

Best hotdog: Hands down: Gray’s Papaya (not to be confused with Papaya King).

It was the first place I ever ate when first visiting the city. I asked for a ‘deuce and a juice’, which was two hot dogs, a papaya juice for $3 bucks. It was the one on Broadway (2090 Broadway, at 72nd St.) and I have never been there and not seen a line up. They grill the hot dogs, serve it with a onion relish, and your favorite condiment. This is a meal good for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or all of the above. Other locations on 8th ave (539 Eighth Ave., at 37th St.) if you are shopping at Macy’s and 6th ave (402 Sixth Ave., at 8th St.) which is right near my literary agent’s office.

Best ‘stick to your guts‘ restaurant: Brasserie Les Halles (http://www.leshalles.net/ny_park.php)

Made famous by author, bad ass, and television aficionado, Anthony Bourdain, Les Halles is the closest thing to a french bistro you’ll find outside of Paris. I’ve only been to the one on Park (411 Park Ave. South nr. 29th St.) but am always satisfied with what I get here. I have lunch here with my publisher, entertain clients, or go for a solo meal of Steak Frites. The French Onion soup, as you might imagine, is out of this world!. Check out their different menus on their website. You will not be disappointed.

Best Bagels: H & H (http://www.hhbagels.net/)

If you are in New York, you have to eat Bagels for breakfast. I don’t care if you are on some type of Atkins bullshit diet. EAT A BAGEL WITH CREAM CHEESE AND SMOKED SALMON! (sorry, got a little passionate there.) I like to visit the MET when I’m in town and taking the subway up to the upper west side, you can grab a bagel, walk through the park, and find yourself at the MET. Walk through the park burns off the bagel, and you are good to go. Plus the food at the MET sucks, so eat before going in. It’s just above 80th on Broadway (2239 Broadway). Take the #1 Subway up and get off at 79th. You’ll thank me for this little nugget.

Best place to get picnic snacks for the park: Zabars (http://www.zabars.com/)

The only thing I don’t like about Paris is the stinky-ass cheese shops. I am a cheese Mormon. I like my cheese missionary style. Mess with it too much and I get a headache if you know what I mean. I don’t like blue cheese. My cohort Paul, on the other hand, is a cheese Jedi. This dude can taste a cheese that smells like it aged in a dumpster of baby nappies, and with a smile on his face, start listing off dishes it would work with. For him, I put up this picture of the cheese counter of Zabars.

As you might have guessed, this places is the place when you are looking for great meats and cheese. What I like is that it doesn’t smell like bum there. I’m sure they have all the nasty cheeses, but the great meat counter, great tables of delicious baking and hard to find ingredients, makes this a place a guy like me can spend a morning in. I’ve never been there when it isn’t packed and with all the options available to New Yorkers, you know it has to be good. I like getting a nice demi loaf of bread, a great Havarti, and some Italian salami and sitting in the park as I check my voice mails. You MUST go here when visiting NYC. It is at 2245 Broadway (neighbours with H & H) so get your bagels, get your cheese and meat, and get your ‘eat on‘.

Best way to drop $300: Gordon Ramsay at the London (http://www.gordonramsay.com/gratthelondon/)

We first ate at Ramsay’s at Claridges and it changed the way I saw dining.  Having eaten all over the world, nothing, and I mean nothing, touches this restaurant. Everything was perfect and I will be blessed if my last meal on this earth is there. I should add that it is the first place I ever ordered Pork Belly and it pushed pork to the #1 spot in our house for what we prepare and eat. Mr. Ramsay, you are a pig’s best friend. Now Ramsay, as a global brand, is doing everything right. His standards are consistent, they out pace the next closest competitor, and hold true for his NYC location. Here is their latest menu.  It is a hot spot to get into so make your reservations early. Let me suggest the Fois Gras (with Calvados Jelly) to start; the caramelized duck breast with pear glaze as a main, and White Chocolate ganache to finish.  Two sets of these with a nice bottle of wine will set you back $300, but will change your life forever. Find them at: 151 West 54th Street (between 6th and 7th Avenues) T: 212 468 8888

Best street food: Almost all of them.

I like to eat at street vendors whenever I can. I wait to see where the lunch crowd goes to make sure that the place is good on the gut. From a dirty water hot dog to a spicy gyro, you can’t go wrong spending $4 bucks for lunch. The best onces are along Avenue of Americas and down near Macy’s on 32nd street. I’m also a sucker for the honey glazed peanuts they sell on every corner. $1 a bag is a good deal and a hell of a steal for a quick, sweet, salty snack.

Ahh, the Emerald City. I spend about 12 weeks a year in Seattle on various tasks and I thought it time to list my top 10 eats in the city. I should qualify that I don’t stray much from downtown so maybe we’ll call this the top 10 places to get viddles in downtown Seattle.

For Sunday Brunch: Etta’s (www.http://www.tomdouglas.com/restaurants/ettas) . This place is a favorite of ours. The portions are great, but you have to get there when they open or ‘you be waiting’! If you love meat (and you better if you are an honorary pig lover!) get the: Market house corned beef hash (two poached eggs, buttered toast, habanero ketchup on the side). All for $15 bucks. If you can’t handle the truth of corned beef deliciousness, then go for the Etta’s brioche french toast (rhubarb, vanilla mascarpone, smoky bacon) for $13 bucks.

Everyday breakfast: Lola’s /another Tom Douglas restaurant about 4 blocks away. (http://www.tomdouglas.com/restaurants/lola) If you love and honor the pig as I do, order their basic 2 eggs breakfast. It comes with the most amazing sausages that I have ever tasted (and I’ve had my share!) They are pork maple sausages and serves with smashed garlic potatoes. Unbelievable!

Best Chinese Food when you don’t want to leave the hotel: Genghis Khan Restaurant (www.gkseattle.com) 206-682-3606. Order the chicken chow mein, sweet and sour pork, egg rolls, and you are golden. These guys deliver in about 2o minutes, have a smile on their face, and portions are big!

Best way to spend $200 on dinner: Capital Grille. Okay, maybe not every night, but if you are entertaining clients or special night with the wife/husband, etc., do this place. I would recommend the Lobster and Crab cakes to start. The Delmonico Steak (A hearty, juicy, bone-in ribeye with flavor as big as its 22-ounce size.) with lobster mac & cheese, and either Parmesan truffle fries or the Lyonnaise potatoes. You can share the sides because they are huge. To wash it down, why not a nice hearty Australian Shiraz?

Best Sandwich in North America: Salumi Artisan Cured Meats. I have one word for you: Prochetta. If I was on death row, and needed to choose a last supper, it would be this sandwich. This pork is so tender, you’d think God came down and braised it himself. There isn’t a self-respecting pig in the world that wouldn’t want to end up like this. Unbelievable, but you have to line up before lunchtime or you’ll be in line through your lunch hour. Even so, time well spent.

Flett’s best kept secret: Nordstrom’s Cafe. Okay, let me be blunt here. I don’t know you, but I’m willing to share with you something that I have held close to my heart. The absolute best bisque in the world is….the Crab Bisque at the downtown Nordstroms in Seattle. People that live here don’t even know about it. Tomato based, with some heat on the backend. I would like to bathe in this stuff. Delicious to the extreme. The only thing that would make it better would be bacon, but I’ve said enough. Try it, but if you and I are vying for the last table…you are going down my friend.